Cultivating Self: The Art of Focusing on Your Own Paper

By: Jola Cruise

In the whirlwind of everyday life, especially for women who juggle multiple roles as mothers, partners, professionals, and community members, it's easy to fall into the trap of managing everyone else's lives while neglecting our own. The concept of "focusing on your own paper," inspired by relationship expert Laura Doyle, invites us to redirect some of that nurturing energy back toward ourselves, reclaiming our personal space, desires, and individuality.

The Pitfall of Over-Management: It's not uncommon for women to find themselves deeply involved in the lives of their loved ones, often to the extent of trying to control or manage outcomes on their behalf. Consider the case of Sarah, who routinely monitored her husband Tom's decisions — ranging from his choice of attire for work, how he managed home projects, to even his diet. Initially, Sarah believed that her intensive involvement was what being a good wife entailed. However, she soon realized that this over-management was not only exhausting for her but also restrictive for Tom, making him feel less like a partner and more like a child who needed supervision.

Rediscovering Personal Desires: Taking time to rediscover what truly makes us happy is essential. For Sarah, this meant setting aside moments for introspection to understand her likes, dislikes and what drives her. She rediscovered her passion for painting and reading—activities that had taken a backseat to her roles as a wife and mother. Whether it's through journaling, meditation, or simply spending time in nature, these activities can help clarify our thoughts and desires, guiding us back to our personal goals and dreams.

Setting Boundaries for Self-Care: Setting boundaries is a crucial step in focusing on your own paper. It involves communicating clearly what you are and aren't willing to take on, ensuring that your energy isn't constantly directed towards solving or managing others' issues. For Sarah, it meant letting Tom make his own decisions about everyday things, which freed up her energy to engage more fully in her painting and to rekindle friendships that were important to her.

Engaging in Joyful Activities: Actively engaging in activities that bring joy is another vital aspect of focusing on your own paper. Pursuing a hobby that was put on hold, learning a new skill, or simply indulging in your favorite pastimes serves as powerful reminders of your unique identity and interests outside of your roles in relation to others.

A Personal Journey: For me, shifting my focus from managing my husband’s every action to looking inward allowed me to reconnect with my own passions and aspirations. After I stopped focusing on what my husband was doing, I returned to modeling, an activity that I deeply love but had put aside. More importantly, this shift reignited my desire to become a relationship mentor, a role that allows me to empower other women to find not only peace in marriage but also to discover their own paths to happiness and fulfillment.

The Ripple Effect of Personal Fulfillment: Interestingly, when we focus on our own paper, the benefits extend beyond personal fulfillment. By modeling self-respect and personal growth, we inspire those around us, especially our children and partners, to also consider their own happiness and well-being. This creates a healthier, more balanced family dynamic where each member feels encouraged to pursue their personal best.

Focusing on your own paper isn't about selfishness; it's about self-preservation and empowerment. It's a vital practice that helps maintain our personal identity and emotional health. By reclaiming our own desires and passions, we not only enhance our quality of life but also enrich our relationships with a renewed spirit and energy. Let us embrace this practice, making it a regular part of our lives to ensure that while we care for others, we also profoundly care for ourselves.

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