What is failure and why do we fear it so much?

Jun 30

By: Ben Olbon

For student-athletes, thoughts of failure may arise by not reaching a goal or meeting an expectation. Maybe they missed a shot at the game or provided an incorrect answer on a quiz. Perhaps they feel like a parent, teacher, or coach is disappointed in them.

Let’s also not forget what it’s like to be a pre-teen/teenager and feel like every decision made about your social life is at a life-or-death level. Are my clothes stylish enough? What will my friends think? What if my body and appearance are different from the others?

Thoughts of failure create emotions like fear, anxiety, stress, and self-doubt. These emotions then drive our behavior and, ultimately, the result.

This is the pattern: Core Thought – Core Feeling/Emotion – Behavior/Result.

For example, teenagers may think they are a victim because they have no control over the world around them and are at the mercy of events and circumstances. This thought may lead to apathy, including reduced engagement and enthusiasm. The behavior may often be lethargy with the inability to take action, lack of initiative, or ability to see other options.

As individuals, we view the world through a set of filters. If you’re wearing blue-colored glasses, the world looks blue. If you’re wearing green-colored glasses, the world looks green. We all have these filters, and they are based on all our life experiences and the influences of people and the world around us. They form the basis of our belief system and how we view and approach situations.

So what do we do to overcome this barrier? We have to re-train ourselves to think differently. This begins with the self-awareness that we are responsible for our own happiness and fulfillment.

You can make a new decision to be happy at any given time. You can make a new decision to respond to your environment from a position of choice and gratitude. By learning to understand and harness our thoughts and emotions, we may begin to practice using them to drive conscious behavior with purpose.

In short, we may now begin to consciously respond to things in our life instead of unconsciously reacting by default. But, of course, this doesn’t happen overnight. It is a long process that will take considerable commitment, patience, and forgiveness. I am still on my journey, and I always will be. For me, the path to peace, happiness, and fulfillment lies in the journey, not the destination.

About Ben Olbon

He lives in Orange County with his wife and four children.

He has been awarded the Navy and Marine Corps Achievement medal, recognized as a top sales performer and trainer, an award-winning sales team leader, an adjunct professor, and a championship-winning pop-warner football coach.

Olbon’s transparent and emotional leadership style provides a safe and meaningful environment for flourishing authentic and sustainable outcomes. Making a positive impact in the lives of others is the reason why Ben has started Outcome Elite.